I started practicing Yoga to deal with my pain. The pain that I never expected will ever touch me, it was grief actually that caused a lot of pain; but its the pain that I remember. My grandfather was a fantastic man- a Sanskrit scholar, a Mathematician and really pleasing, loving and smiling soul. I inherited the tooth riding up on my left side from him. I never got braces done to correct it since I was so proud that I was the only person in my whole family who had it. We were like a team me and him with the same tooth. I had some very fond memories like how he rode once for my birthday, how he used to teach me Maths and how he used to perform his 2 hour long ritual of daily Puja.
As we grow old, in the way the world is organised currently, when we finish our education and we stay out to work. We don't get to come home and reconnect with family or our roots unless we choose to disconnect with the "city routine". The need for this re-connection happens only around when we have kids and we see them struggling with the identities in the city life. That's when we decide to reconnect. Unfortunately that realization came to me much later.
I got so busy in my life and its nuances that I didn't realise my grandfather was growing old. We spoke a few time on the phone , I saw his pics with my brother (who visited him), my father who used to visit him very often . But I kept procrastinating. "Next trip, pakka!!", used to be my answer since he stayed with one of my uncles', 500kms further ahead, and not in my father's house. My son was young at that time and travelling used to be something I used to avoid as much as possible.
In my head my grandfather would always be there for that next trip. I will plan it when my son grows a little older, i used to think. In my head he wasn't going anywhere. He was MY grandfather . He was a super hero who could always tackle things, nothing would happen to him. He was over 95 and the thought that his time might be coming closer never crossed my head. He was permanent, rock solid at least in my head. And then one day he went away and it shattered me to the core. I couldn't focus on my work, I couldn't even get out of bed, didn't feel like going out or talking to anybody. i couldn't cope with it.
After many many months of this, I happened to visit the gym in the afternoon and I saw one of the member practicing yoga with a teacher. They were doing the headstand and it suddenly flashed in my head how my grandfather used to practice Yoga and Pranayam everyday. That was the first Yoga class I enrolled for and then everything changed. The digital space you're in right now reading this was manifested from that pain and the process of finding peace.
Once I found it I wanted to share it many more people. I wanted everyone to feel and experience the peace and calm I feel when I practice and that has been the driving force behind cityogini. Cityogini is not me, its a digital spirit that tries and make the experience of yoga easy to embrace. She's the collective knowledge of our teachers and our students who show up on the mat everyday to practice no matter what the pain.
I can relate to this pain, as I have suffered too. But your transformation from a mourner to an inspiration for all of us is commendable 🙏😘